I read this quote from Shauna Niequist today and it stirred up a bunch of thoughts I’ve been having lately about this little space on the internet. Of all the meandering thoughts rolling around in my head, Shauna seemingly condensed them down to the essentials.

“Branding is for products. Also for CATTLE. People — even artists — aren’t products. You may make things, but *you* aren’t a thing. Resist the temptation to climb into a perfectly-crafted brand identity. Instead, practice claiming your whole self — your wild, weird, ever-changing, ever-learning, mistake-making, beautiful/awful whole self, something so much more powerful & honest than a brand.”

I’ve been struggling lately with what I want my little corner of the internet to be. Feeling like it needs to be branded or polished or perfected in some way. I’ve been wanting to write for myself and for this space again but also have struggled with that for a few reasons. First of all the ever-present feeling that I’m not a writer, I don’t have any formal training, what thoughts could I possibly have that aren’t already out there… yada, yada. The usual lies. But then I also fight the feeling that I’ve declared this a “food blog” and I’m not allowed (for whatever reason) to stray from that platform. That’s ridiculous. And it truly sounds silly now that I’m saying it “out loud.” This is my little corner of the internet. It can be whatever I want it to be. (But I have to remind myself of this over and over.) Shauna’s words were exactly the little push I needed today to break my internet silence – imperfections and all.

I’ve felt such hesitation toward returning to this space with no plan or editorial calendar or even a recipe I’m ready to share. It’s been nearly two years since I last posted and even then it was to share my son’s birth story. The extent of my interaction with this blog has been googling my own recipes to remember how much butter and sugar go into my favorite chocolate chip cookies.

My priorities have shifted big time since we started growing our family a few years ago. I’m so completely okay with that. Okay that it has meant putting this blog on the back burner. Okay that I’ve had to say no to lots of fun opportunities – the local food blogger scene in Charlotte is amazing! But I simply haven’t had the capacity to be a part of it, however much I long to.

And yet, with all the saying “no” to things I don’t have capacity for right now, I feel this pull back toward writing, toward sharing the things I’m learning, toward putting my heart back into this little space. My hope is to heed that call without too much concern for what I put here to be polished and branded and perfected first. If you know me at all you know this is a. Hard. Thing. To. Do. But here I am.

I have to remember that my little tagline for this site is “A blog dedicated to sharing what I’m learning in the kitchen and outside of it.” AND outside of it. It doesn’t have to all be about food. But the foreseeable future here may look more like sharing what I’m learning outside of the kitchen than in it. Life is so full these days with little ones and there’s little time for recipe development and food photography. I still don’t plan on completely abandoning sharing recipes here because I’m still learning a ton in the kitchen. It just looks a lot more like meal planning and prepping freezer meals and how to cook dinner with a toddler underfoot. I’ll continue to share those things, especially over on Instagram.

So, basically I’m welcoming myself back into this space with a whole lot of grace and very few expectations. Welcome back, self.

So with that, here’s a little of what’s been inspiring me and speaking into all these thoughts lately:

Some of Tsh Oxenreider’s musings lately have got me thinking of returning to blogging rather than just posting snippets of my thoughts on Instagram.

Her words from this blog post describe it best: “I have a more complicated relationship with Instagram — I both love and hate it. It can be a beautifully simple place, and it can eat me up inside. Anytime I start sweating the numbers, I have to remind myself: I don’t care about being Instafamous. My job description isn’t Instagram Influencer, nor do I want it to be…I believe, long-term, that it’s a smart move to focus on my own internet home (blog, podcast), and not my rental properties owned by massive companies (my social media accounts). All the smart people I admire do the same, so I think it’s good to follow suit.”

Emily P. Freeman’s podcast The Next Right Thing. I truthfully have a lot of catching up to do on her podcast, but I highly recommend just starting at the beginning and slowly working your way through it. I cannot wait for her new book to come out this Spring – I’ve already got it on pre-order and just know it’s gonna be good. Her words have been shaping and guiding my thoughts about our photography business, growing our family, writing, and so much more.

I also JUST started listening to Amy Poehler’s book Yes Please yesterday and the way she described writing her book has been echoing in my head. “No one tells the truth about writing a book. They pretend their stories were always shiny and perfect and just waiting to be written. The truth is, writing is hard, and boring, and occasionally great, but usually not… I wrote this book after my kids went to sleep. I wrote this book on subways and on airplanes and in between setups while I shot a television show. I wrote this book from scribbled thoughts I kept in the Notes app on my iPhone and conversations I had with myself in my head before I went to sleep. I wrote it ugly and in pieces.”

Even though I’m still in the first couple chapters of her book, and I have no plans to write a book of my own any time soon, it was immensely reassuring hearing her describe the start-and-stop nature of her writing.

Just this morning I started writing this post on my laptop while my kiddos (miraculously) napped at the same time. I continued typing with one hand and shaking a toy with the other when my daughter woke up. I added a thought here and there on my phone throughout the rest of the day. And I’m finishing writing tonight while nursing my daughter and typing on my phone with one hand.

So. Here I am. Showing up. To practice claiming what Shauna calls my “whole self.” My “wild, weird, ever-changing, ever-learning, mistake-making, beautiful/awful whole self.” Deep breath in. Deep breath out. I’m so glad you’re here.