Since becoming pregnant, I’ve found that most mommy forums and blogs, pregnancy books, and even advice and stories from well-meaning friends all tend toward fear mongering. Every informational source seems determined to enlighten you on all the things that could possibly go wrong for you and your baby.
Forums tend to be full of strong opinions and terrible advice (if you know of any good pregnancy forums, send them my way!) Books like What to Expect
While most of this advice and storytelling truly doesn’t bother me personally, it just illustrates how much fear and worry surrounds pregnancy. There are so many things that can and maybe will go wrong. So much to worry about and stress over. Any twinge or tweak you feel could be your body growing as it should OR it could be something disastrous! I can’t imagine how much more stressful hearing these stories could be for women who are more prone to anxiety and worry than I am.
(Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discounting those stories where something truly does go wrong. Or even the pregnancies that do require close monitoring for various reasons. Those stories deserve their own conversation entirely. Here I’m talking about unfounded pregnancy fears – the ones that simply exist because we feel anxious or in need of more control over our own situation.)
I don’t think of myself as someone who worries a lot, but being pregnant definitely makes me feel like I should be worrying more. Maybe I don’t care enough if I’m not strictly avoiding all deli meats, soft cheeses, and caffeine. Am I hurting my baby by exercising? Or is it worse to sit on the couch all day? What medicine am I allowed to take for this headache or that queasy stomach? Should I call the doctor for that twinge? And heaven forbid I start Googling any of my pregnancy symptoms to make sure they’re normal.
I can’t even begin to express how much I want to reject the fear. Women have been having babies for thousands and thousands of years. Somehow it seems that maybe, just maybe, our bodies were meant to do this.
It’s incredible really.
And I have to choose to trust that my body knows what it’s doing, rather than fear that it doesn’t. It’s been an extraordinary experience to notice the changes in my body from the beginning. The soreness, the complete exhaustion, the tightness across my belly and the stretching sensations that indicate that my body is making space to grow a human being. All these little signals show that my body is doing something wild and beautiful that I have absolutely no control over. And I kind of love that. There’s something extraordinary to be learned in the letting go process of knowing I can’t control what my body is doing and rejoicing in that rather than fearing it.
Even now I’m imagining how much this thought process could bleed out into other areas of my life. What other things am I choosing to hold with fear rather than release with trust? What needs open hands rather than tight fists, grasping for some measure of control and understanding? What needs letting go?
If you’re pregnant or have children, I would love to hear your thoughts and experience with this. And even if you don’t, you’re welcome to the table! Are there things in your own life that need a similar measure of trust instead of fear?
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